Day 42

Sorry I haven't been around for a while, I didn't forget about blogging I'm just not really good at sticking with anything for very long SORRY! I'm working on trying to change that through my journey so I'm back after 4 days.



Lets see since I've last blogged I went through a bad bout with depression. Me and my bf got into it again which is not not unusual but this time I thought it was for real over. I used to have a slight problem with pain pills. I would only use them when I needed them but when I did need them I took them a bit longer than I really needed to. I loved the feeling I got from them, the warm and fuzzy feeling and some even made me race around with tons of energy. I just always seemed to feel good and happy!



I honestly didn't want to take any pain meds when I had my kidney stones but I HAD to get relief so I took the bare minimum. When me and the bf got into it I just wanted to sleep so I took out the bottle of left over pain meds and took one that night and woke up the next morning and took more so I would sleep all day. I stopped after that morning and said I wasn't going to hurt my body just because I was unhappy.



Luckily for me I stopped when I did b/c last friday 9/25, I had an IUD placed (since I've heard that a raw vegan lifestyle will make you more fertile) and I was told to take some Advil or Tylenol before I came. Well I have a very high pain tolerance so I have been dealing with my horrible cramps without assistance from meds so I could do the IUD placement without assistance too. O boy was I WRONG! I passed out from the pain and was very sick from it. After an hour of waiting around at the dr's office dealing with nausea and multiple BM's and sweats I drove home. I had to pull over twice to vomit but as soon as I made it home I had to take something b/c this pain was so unbearable. I was chilling at this point and my lips were purple. I went ahead and took more of my pain meds I had left over from the kidney stones.



The pain finally came under control after I fell asleep for about 2 hours. I finished off the rest of my pain meds and for the past few days I have been taking ibuprofen. Today I did not take anything as my cramps are starting to taper off to the point I can handle them on my own.



My face looks awful. I know its from the meds! I'm breaking out so bad and I know its just the meds exiting my body but I've started putting on make-up. Its been almost a month or over a month since my face has started breaking out and I'm just over it.



I have been experimenting with more vegan dishes like mock chicken salad and tofu dishes. I'm starting to feel like I'm drifting away from my goal. I feel like I need to be experimenting more with raw food dishes than with vegan dishes. Plus the mock chicken salad and tofu dishes are way too heavy for me anyway.



Today I started to get that feeling that I used to have when I was 17. If you don't know 17 was my best year ever, idk why but I was so happy, so carefree, and loving life. I would act a fool all the time but it wasn't out of control, it was just having good fun all the time. I always looked for things to go right and for the slightest thing positive out of every situation. I was always in a good mood and smiling, I would bring sunshine everywhere I went, hence the nickname sunshine. I woke up and was excited about life in general. I was either mellow happy or just out right excited and very rarely was I ever in a bad mood for any reason. My bf at the time always said I was always celebrating life and I could see the beauty in everything. Another friend said I had such a zeal for life that he has never seen before in anyone. Today I felt that again, it felt sooooooo good.



I'm not sure if I've had a hormone imbalance and that is why I've been so unhappy and so pissy at work and just blah all the time. I mean I've been better since the MC and the diet change but not exactly back to ME. People at work have been confronting me for a little while now saying I have a bad attitude problem everyday with everyone and I don't see it, but now I sort of do. I see that I've been taking my job way too seriously and that I need to relax. I also need to not take life so seriously, I used to be so happy and I would let things just roll off my back, I would hardly ever stress over ANYTHING. I know when to take things seriously but to stress over anything wasn't worth it.

This IUD puts off progesterone and today I've felt like the real me so I'm wondering if the IUD has anything to do with the way I feel. I'm loving the way I feel right now and I hope its not just one of those one out of a million perfect days where I feel like the real me then tomorrow go back to not being happy again.

I'll update tomorrow and let you know!